Bath

Tonight i enjoyed a relaxing candle lit bath, sounds romantic to don't it =)
I was able to spend some time dreaming about my future husband and the future conversations we will be having, his big strong arms around me when i am feeling like a cuddle.

This opened the door for me to thank God, so I thanked him for everything he has done in my life. God once again opened my eyes to see the situations He has helped me through, been holding me through and everything He has given me and what is yet to come.

I have recently been a little scared about moving out of home, but happy because i have known it is the right thing to do. As i was relaxing in the bath i thought of this woman who lives around here, she is about 35 and still lives with her parents. No she doesn't have a disability, she doesn't have any reason to be staying at home. The only thing holding here there is herself and her fears.

I don't want a life like that, i want to live life with abundance. I want to be free, i want to live, i want to go to a church, meet my Prince, get married, have more kids. I want to be independant.

Yes i love my family, yes would do alot for them, but this is my life and my son's life. I need to step out of comfort and life, because if i don't start now in 10 years i will look back and have regrets. Wonder what i done with my life and wish i did things differently.

So God has been soothing my heart and preparing me as day by day i am closer to the day i move. I continue to pray and consult God and know that it's going to be hard when i move but hey what do they say "All things are possible with Christ".

Now to reflect...

20 Years ago - I was 1 month old, innocent as a button and being cared for by my parents.

10 years ago- I was 10. I was being sexually abused by 2 family members, a very messed up little girl who was withdrawn. My Ma was in and out of hospital with nervous breakdowns and i was being brought up by my father mainly.

5 years ag0- 2000.
I was 15 years old, still being sexually abused, deeply involved in self injury and attempted suicide numerous times. I was skipping school, in a same sex relationship and had been diagnosed with an eating disorder. I miscarried a baby when i was 10 weeks pregnant after a beating and developed deep depression. I became an Auntie to a little boy John.

3 years ago- 2003.
I was 18 years old, been engaged for a year. Completed my final year of high school and passed! I went on to begin a counselling course. I ended my engagement in december that year and fell pregnant around christmas time. I was blessed with a niece this year, Emily was born in march.

1 year ago- 2004.
I had developed a good friendship with a Christian woman and my relationship with Christ was back on track. I was no longer attracted to the same sex by the grace of God. I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and begin the journey as a single mom. I was lead to Justsmile Ministries were i was later made advisor and moderator. I was then blessed with another niece Charli.

2005-
I am a wonderful mom to Lachlan. I have accepted the fact that i am a daughter of The King and deserve to be treated as such. God has been working in my heart and on my life, the evidence becoming obvious to others. I was blessed with another niece this year Charlotte. Now I am preparing to move to Gawler with my best friend for a while, until i find my own house. I will be starting a new church and startin fresh.

2006-
I hope to be stronger in Christ and have a better understanding of things. God will be continually preparing me for my future husband. I hope to of overcome alot of my fears and moving forward in the freedom God has given me.

I don't know what the future hold for me, but i do know that wherever i am and what ever i am doing my eyes will be focused on God, my heart on fire with love and desire for Him.