Birthday

In 3 weeks i turn 21 years old.

When i spoke to mum today she was upset.
She said the nursing home thinks Dad probably won't be coming home for my birthday.
Because his sugar levels are still really high etc..

*cries*

I understand that it for his own good if he needs to be there.
And i really do want the best for him but it hurts so bad.
My 16th birthday my dad wasn't able to celebrate with me due to sickness and circunstances.
My 18th birthday i was young happy and celebrated with some friends.
But for my 21st i was looking forward to celebrating with Dad there. It meant alot.

Prayer is powerful and in 2 days i have had 2 prayers answered.
Praise God.
I am just praying now Dad improves enough to come home..

Failsafe

Today i started my little man on the failsafe diet.
I really knew nothing about this diet and still am just starting to learn.
I brought a folder yesterday to keep all the information in.. HAHA

It is hard work, and i do appreciate the work of Lami- who does the shopping.
But i hope this is what works for Lachlan.
His behaviour has reached a point where something had to be done.
Hopefully it is the food he was eating causing his behaviour, because then it can change..

It's been hard for me and everyone i live with.
Lachlan's behaviour at times has had the ability to drive you up the wall.
In a way i feel sorry for the little guy, if it is the food that has been the cause he has been in so much trouble at times...

I'll let ya'll know if his behaviour improves :-)

No More ABC

Not many of you know but i have withdrawn Lachlan from his Childcare.
I was unhappy with the way he was being looked after.
When i went to pick him up from childcare he was sitting at the fence crying, he was sitting alone and no one approached him to see what was wrong. I could see both the carer's clearly. One was sitting on a log and the other was holding a settled baby. It broke my heart to see my child crying and being neglected.

I removed my son from care straight away, but he still was traumatised.
It took alot for me to get the courage to trust people with my son, and that trust has been squashed. I will only leave my son with people i know and trust now.

Last week at church he refused to go into the childrens program. He held onto the door and cried. Then i left him and Lami could hear him crying in church so she went and checked and then i went back. He wouldn't let either of us leave, and cried just about the whole time we were at church...

I pray that soon the trauma he has experienced is healed and his heart restored.

Moments

In our lives there is a time when we look and question ourselves.
We question ourselves on our body image, our clothes, our finances and many other things.
I confess i do all of the above things at times.

I have looked in the mirror and seen a image caused by my distorted mind at that time.
I have cried at times i have felt sad because i thought i never looked pretty enough.
I have gotten upset because i never had the clothes i wanted, or never had money to buy them.
I spent alot of my life doing these things, worrying about stupid pathetic things.

On the way home today, i walked with the sun beaming off my skin.
The warmth embraced me and i smiled freely with happiness.
For a moment in my life i let go and just enjoyed what i had.
Life felt perfect for that time i let go.
I was pushing my very own son, who was being good at the time.
I was wearing nice clothes and never felt self concious.
I felt beautiful, and as i took a deep breathe i breathed in the love of God.

God had been waiting for me to step into him.
Waiting to embrace his daughter..

I found some notes i will share with you.
(to each person these notes may mean something different, open your heart and let the holy spirit guide you to what they mean for you)

1. Choose to be a leader.
2. Choose to be a buider.
3. Choose to restore.
4. Choose to do what is right.
5. Choose those who influence you.
6. Choose to seek God.
7. Choose to be inspired.

Lord,
I have made mistakes, i have been unchrist like in area's of my life. I pray i will become more Christ like and Christ focused and not self centered.
Amen