Weak

You can take God out of my school
you can make me listen to you
You can take God out of the pledge
but you can't take God out of my head

Listen to me closely,lend me your ear
the substance of my statemnet lets you know I'm sincere
Government officials, shapers of the land
I've to to tell you something you need to understand

You can't take God away from me
you can take my life, my land, my liberty
Lock me up, I'll still be free
'cause you can't take God from me

You can take God out of the law
you can make me listen to ya'll
You can take God out of the start
but you can't take God out of my heart

Listen to me closely, lend me your ear
the substance of my statement lets you know I'm sincere
Government officials, shapers of the land
I've to to tell you something you need to understand

You can't take God away from me
you can take my life, my land, my liberty
Lock me up, I'll still be free
'cause you can't take God from me

You can't take God, you can't take God away
You can't take God, you can't take God away
You can't take God, you can't take God away
You can't take God, you can't take God away

You can't take God away from me
You can take my life, my land, my liberty
Lock me up, I'll still be free
'cause you can't take God from me

Audio Adrenaline (Can't take God from me)

There is nothing more to say than i love this song.
I have the song on repeat in the loungeroom.
It makes me think.

Recently i have been feeling so weak, emotionally, physically and sexually.
It all hit me when i went home basically.
But when i listen to this song i stop and say to myself well No one can take God from me. I chose to walk away from God. I chose not to go to him for whatever reason.

When i went home for 2 weeks there wasn't a church i would go to in my home town but i could of read the bible, i could of taken some worship music with me.

I know on the inside of me i feel sooo weak sometimes, but i don't go to God coz i know i will break. I have to allow myself to crumble in the arms of my Heavenly Father, or i will turn to the arms of someone wrong. I hate admitting i am so weak but it's true.

On sunday i was in church and i had tears in my eyes, my instant thought was "Pull yourself together Kelly, this is church" and i instantly looked around hoping no one seen me.

I was in church. God's place and i stopped myself from crying. What hurts me the most is i stopped myself from crying because no one there except Lami knew me and i don't cry infront of strangers..

Maybe you need to look into your heart and see what broken parts need to be given to God..

No one can take God from you!
God won't walk away from you!
You chose???
What ya gonna do?

Because Of You

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake, a smile, a laugh
Every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you

- Kelly Clarkson


3 years ago this was me..
Now i am not afraid and have been set free.
God is now my strength, the power in me.
I don't believe it's weak to cry,
it's the strongest thing you can do.
I hate fakes and refuse to be one.
I am real!!

Home again

I am home for 2 weeks, my rents have their birthdays this month.
For the first few days i have seen some things i haven't liked.
My sister has tarot cards in her house, which makes me very uncomfortable staying there. I seen some of her journal and it is basically a copy of mine.
I feel ripped of, the pain i went through was real and she comes along and makes up all these lies and uses my pain for attention!
In the writting you can tell that she is in a big mess emotionally and spiritually. She has a picture of my best friend saying she is f***ing evil, a picture of herself saying is a fat ugly monster!!
It scares me to read what all these lies are doing to her and how far she has gone down hill from the person she was. There was written things about the alledged rape and his ripping her hair out and her recieving letters from him etc..
I feel like confronting her with the load of shit, except now she is being better than she has been in a long time.
Robert and Tammy have broken up yet again, hopefully this time it is forever. It's not fair on Emily and Charlotte to be exposed to such emotional upsets when it can be all prevented.
Robert threw a coffee cup at Emi's head, when i seen her the other night she had a huge bruise on the side of her head. She has been through so much for a little Princess!
Let see how it all goes...

Happy Birthday Papa

My Daddy turned 63 today.
Another year has passed and he is another year older.
Each year i grow fearful of what the following year will bring.
But all i can do is make the best of the time i have and forget the fears.

This weekend has been a really good weekend for Dad.
He has been the best i have seen him in a while.
Gives good memories for his birthday!!

I love my Daddy sooooo very much!!

Dreams

Last night Tim was the speaker at church.
He challenged us to share our dreams with the people next to us and well Lami already knows mine!

So here i share with you, my dreams for the future. And i challenge you to do the same.

My dream is:

- To be the best Mom i can be to Lachlan and any future children that will come along when i am married.
- To get married and be the best wife i can be.
- To fall pregnant to my Husband (well he will be for me to get pregnant) and have lots more babies.
- To become a stronger Christian and become knowledgable of the bible and actually be able to understand it.

These are the dreams Christ has placed on my heart. I already know i won't work until Lachlan is in school because my belief is a mother should be at home with her children, not putting the kids into child care to work.
If i am not married by the time Lachlan is 5 i would like to begin some courses to become a youth counsellor.

They are my dreams, they may not be big to some people. but ever since in was a little girl my biggest dream was to become a mom and God blessed me with that. No it wasn't how i expected it to work out, but i don't regret it at all. I have a beautiful baby boy whom i adore!
The next step is marriage and i know God has a husband for me, it's just the waiting game.
As for future children it is in Gods hands. All i know is i want lots, but he is in control!

Baby Praises Him

"Praise Him. Lift your voice and let it ring through out all the earth."

Last night i was in church singing during worship, as usual i had my son Lachlan on my hip and then i heard him start singing. Yes still in baby babble, but it was soooo cute!

During the morning service he cried when the music came on, i think it was coz he was tired and a little overwhelmed. He cried a little during the night service to but he was okay when he was with me.

At the end of the service we were singing the last worship song for the night before leaving and as someone sung Praise him.. my son opened his arms to recieve Jesus. It was sooo cute!! Some one said "thank you Jesus" and Lachie clapped..

I don't know what was goin through his head at this time, and i will never know for sure. But in my heart i am sure his heart was with Christ. It is enough to make my heart dance inside my chest seeing my son so young and praising God!

What I Have For You?

Last night in church i was worshipping, a song came on i never knew very well and i sung along softly, looking at all the people worshipping God. It softened my heart to see how free everyone was with God. I seen woman and men with their hands raised and singing before the Lord.

I turned my attention to the men, thinking about worldly man and how cool they think it is to be super Macho etc. Inside the church i never seen one male like that. I looked at all the men young and old, wondering where their life has taken them over the years and where there future will go.

I found myself in awe with my fellow brothers of Christ, seeing their gentle side. I've never been part of a church family before so i haven't ever really stopped to look at this. But when i did it blew me away, men talking about the love for their children, with tears in the eyes from worship. How strong are they =)

During worship they played a song i knew off by heart, i was pretty excited about not having to look at the words on the big screen.. Yeah laugh i thought it was something special for me!! I closed my eyes and got into the song, as i was thinking i could feel God's presence with me, reminding me, my future is in his hands. What he has for me is also a man with a gentle heart, a man of God, and a man perfect for me. It's awesome to know Christ has made my future spouse for me, specifically. I'm so excited.

I kept singing during worship and half way through the song i felt this warmth against my skin. I was like, hey now that cannot be God i am sure of it. I pulled my son off my hip and he had wet his pants, and me. i was so embarrassed. Doing the mother thing i went to change his diaper and pants, little to say i had to stay in a wet top..

But it was great to be able to enjoy church. I am going home this weekend for 2 weeks. Needless to say i will miss Church.

Parenting

I was in the church service today listening to Pastor Paul talk about family, children and grandkids etc. It's warming to hear a man talk about the love for his family so openly, some of what he said got me thinking.

So often we do look past our children because there a things we need to do in life, there is always something to do, somewhere to go or someone to see. In life we are rush rush rush and we don't stop to smell the roses.

As a mother there is something much more important than stopping to smell the roses. Yes, smelling the roses might be nice, but stopping to pray with your child, hug him or play with him is a memory they will carry on for life. The smell of roses will fade in your memory, but a childhood determines alot of our children's future.

I want to step up and re commit myself to being a mother, God has given me one of his precious children to raise and bring up in this world and i want to do it the right way. When my son is older i want to be able to look at him knowing that i have always driven myself to be the best Mom i could be. I want to know in myself that i was always in counsel with God and that there weren't vital times i constantly missed.

I know i am not the perfect Mom, I know perfection cannot be reached here on earth. What i do know though is that my precious little son has got the Mom perfect for him, and that she is trying her best.

There is a big wide world out there our children enter sooner than we realise, don't blink to much or you will miss it all. I challange you today to spend some time with your child, hug him/her, tell them how important they are and even spend a few minutes praying with them.

Don't just pray for your children tonight, pray for yourself as a parent. Parenting is a full time job and once you start you cannot stop. We will make mistakes, we do have faults and flaws, ask God to reveal them to you overtime so you can work on them one by one.

Don't make a list and sigh because you think you have more faults than anyone else, it's not a competition and each of us are different. Remember you are also someone's child and very loved!

New and News

I moved 8 days ago, settled in to a new house, and went to church. My first time attending somewhere that i can call my church, never before have i had a church family. It is weird being able to say i go to this church, because i have never been a member of one church before.

There was a speaker from south africa talking and she was excellent. I think everyone who heard her talk went away with something. I knew i had things to repent for and my heart was convicted.

After church i came home and was able to ring Paul, my son's father and offer him the chance to see Lachlan. I didn't want to before but it wasn't me it was God. When i spoke to Paul it gave me a chance to tell him how i come to make the choice of him seeing Lachie and i pray that he gets something from hearign that.

What is the hardest for me right now, is that i have been there for everything.
I earnt the title Mom, i am a good Mom. Paul gets the title Dad after just walking into his life. For all of my sons life, even before he was born i have been the one loving him, i have been the one paying for everything. Every night i get up, i have been the one to discipline him, dry his tears.

It just hurts to know Paul gets the title Dad after doing nothing. God still has work to do on my heart.

Now i wait for the phone call to say he is coming to see Lachlan, it will be hard. But i know God doesn't make mistakes and i know this is from God. Only one person can change the outcome of this to a bad thing and that is Paul.

His actions will determine the future visits.

Lord,
i ask that you be with Paul, Lachlan and myself. Prepare our hearts for whats going to happen. I ask for your strength emotionally Lord, fill me up with your love, strength and wisdom. I give it all to you Father.
Amen