I moved 8 days ago, settled in to a new house, and went to church. My first time attending somewhere that i can call my church, never before have i had a church family. It is weird being able to say i go to this church, because i have never been a member of one church before.
There was a speaker from south africa talking and she was excellent. I think everyone who heard her talk went away with something. I knew i had things to repent for and my heart was convicted.
After church i came home and was able to ring Paul, my son's father and offer him the chance to see Lachlan. I didn't want to before but it wasn't me it was God. When i spoke to Paul it gave me a chance to tell him how i come to make the choice of him seeing Lachie and i pray that he gets something from hearign that.
What is the hardest for me right now, is that i have been there for everything.
I earnt the title Mom, i am a good Mom. Paul gets the title Dad after just walking into his life. For all of my sons life, even before he was born i have been the one loving him, i have been the one paying for everything. Every night i get up, i have been the one to discipline him, dry his tears.
It just hurts to know Paul gets the title Dad after doing nothing. God still has work to do on my heart.
Now i wait for the phone call to say he is coming to see Lachlan, it will be hard. But i know God doesn't make mistakes and i know this is from God. Only one person can change the outcome of this to a bad thing and that is Paul.
His actions will determine the future visits.
Lord,
i ask that you be with Paul, Lachlan and myself. Prepare our hearts for whats going to happen. I ask for your strength emotionally Lord, fill me up with your love, strength and wisdom. I give it all to you Father.
Amen
2 comments:
Hi!
Im Nikki from JSM... Im so happy you feel a part of this new church you are attending! I have been to a lot of churches and have just recently found where I belong as well! There is nothing quite like the feeling of belonging you get when you are part of a church family.
Also... I want you to know that your feelings about this reunion are very understandable... but as a child who has been in a situation much like your son's... I want you to know that he will always know deep down inside that you are the one who did all those wonderful things for him... he will always know deep down inside that you were the one that was there for him and he will appreciate that and love you so very much! He is blessed to have you!
I will be praying for you and your son... I hope that things work out for the both of you!
God Bless!
-Nikki
Thank you both.
Vianey your prayers mean alot to me, thank you (hug) Your awesome Princess!
Nikki, thank you so much for those words. It has encouraged me to know in the future Lachie may look at me a know mom did all that for me.
I added you to MSN much before i seen this comment, i think it's a God thing. Keep in touch. Keep enjoying the church you go to.. and keep coming to my blog..
Post a Comment