Protector

As a single mom i have always considered myself the protector of my family. I have always been the one to make sure Lachlan has what he needs, is protected from dangers and all that sort of parenting stuff.

Yes i have always considered myself a single mom in the sense that i do all the parenting, but i know my parenting is with God. Recently i felt God tell me to contact Paul and let him see Lachlan. So i did that, and Paul came and seen Lachlan a week later.

That was 4 weeks ago, i asked him on a number of occassions wheh he was coming to see Lachlan and he gave a round about answer. "Next week sometime because i am busy with work this week", "maybe next tuesday or wednesday".... all of these round about replies.

So once again i text him and he said he didn't know when he could come, i said i needed a date because i have to organise stuff and we need to make more regular meeting dates. His reply was "so do you want me?"..

His response was like a punch to my heart, i was trying to seriously talk to him about Lachlan and he was worried about getting laid (not that we have that sort of relationship to clear that up!). My response was less than friendly and i put the phone away. With the realisation that he probably doesn't care about his own son.

I am supposed to be the one to protect Lachlan and i left him open to be hurt emotionally, not that i think he will remember much of this, but still. I have to admit that i hurt to, not because there is anything lost. But because i have to except that the father of my child cares more about sex than his own son.
It doesn't make me feel good.

I don't want to let go of Paul, because i am letting go of the father he should be. Knowing i have to wait until i am married until he has some one to call Dad. Seeing Alik at Naomi's birthday party made my heart pound. There was this handsome guy, playing with my son and it all come so naturally. The first time Alik had meet Lachlan and he was on the floor playing trucks with him and stuff and yet Paul (his own father) don't seem to care..

How does that work?
How can you not care about your own child? i just don't understand.