Cross Road

As i was walking to pick Daniel up from school, i was looking at the creek that runs along the path. The breeze was blowing on my face and it lifted me up from the hole i've been in for the last few days.

The situation with Paul has hurt me hard. As i was walking tears streamed down my face as i felt God's presence surround me and tell me it wasn't my fault. I know in my heart that i have to take the next step and ring Paul, giving him the ultimatium. But i am afraid of what Paul is going to say, but know i have to step up and do this.

Lachlan deserves to have a Dad in his life. If Paul can't step up to the responsibility of being the Father in Lachie's life then he is going to have to step out of his life. I know in my heart that God has a husband for me and a Father for Lachlan, a much better Father than what Paul is trying to be right know.

One of my fears is that when Lachlan is older that Paul will try and tell him the reason he never seen him was because i wouldn't let him. That isn't true. I have listened to God. I provided Paul with the opportunity to see Lachlan and get to be the father in his life, i have given him the chance to change his life and he has choosen not to.

As a Mommy it is my time to step up and do what i don't want to do, but know is right. Because i love Lachlan enough to put him first in my life. The future is already written i guess, i just have to wait and trust in God.

As i came closer to the school, it was like God revealed a picture to me. Of the whole world and this little girl (me). The world was big and beautiful, with me trusting God. But the world with me not going to God, building the relationship daily was a dark and scary place.

Although right now my heart hurts, and it hurts for Lachlan - I know it won't be that bad. I know that i have God and he has me in His hand. That his plans are not to hurt me.