Parenting would have to be the hardest yet most rewarding job i have ever had.
When i found out i was pregnant i knew i would be doing it alone, and i never once thought it would be easy. I didn't picture it an easy ride and i never pictured a baby that would do everything i wanted.
I know money wouldn't be something i could splash around, that didn't and still doesn't bother me. I knew that time wouldn't be something i would have alot of, and that doesn't really bother me. It has taken time to adjust though. I never expected Lachie to be a clean child, so the washing etc doesn't bother me.
I did however expect his behaviour to be better than it is. I never expected everthing to be perfect and for him to listen to everything i said. I expected him not to listen a little, i expected some cheekiness and naughtiness.
But what i have is complete defiancy, he barely listens to me. He has turned aggressive, if he doesn't get his own way he throws a temper tantrum and smacks people.
I never imagined that it could be so crushing. That the way your child acts could be like an elephant stamping in your heart. So much so that it squeezes all of the energy out of me. I don't understand why people who don't care about their kids can have kids that are good and crave attention and then my son who is surrounded with attention, people that love him, love and happiness isn't being good.
Yes i do have an ideal picture of what i would like my family to be like. But i also have a realistic one. There is something up with Lachlans behaviour, and i know in my heart my parenting isn't that bad. I know there are areas i can improve on and i am working on them slowly. until then how do i hold on...
I know i have to go to God more, give my thoughts and feelings to him. I have to leave this problem in his hands. I need to be praying more. Because it's all dragging me down and i need God to lift me up.
Lord,
lift me, fill me and heal me.
For inside i am broken.
My spirit fills squashed and i am thirsty for you.
I let go of everything i have done, and i run into your open arms.
I give my parenting to you Lord, i give my heart to you.
Let your will be done.
Grant me wisdom to do the things i need to do and let go of the things i cannot change.
Amen
About Me
- ><> Kelly ><>
- I'm a country bumpkin at heart, Though i live in the suburbs, I'm a country gal! I have been a Christian for 5 years, but living the life for 3 years, i believe in God and trust Him with my life completely. I am a single Mum to a gorgeous 2 and a half year old boy, Lachlan. I don't try to be someone i am not, because that is not who God designed me to be. I know i am not perfect, but I'm only a sketch & God is still working on me constantly. "Be who you really are. Because If you are always trying to be someone you aren't. You will lose the essence of who you really are"
2 comments:
awww *hugs*
if it's any comfort, I was a shocker child too....but then well before my teenage years I'd had all my rebellion and temper issues dealt with, so it got easier on my parents then.
Keep takin' it to God :)
From what I've been told and from what you just said you are a great mother!
Keep up the good work & most importantly be consistant & follow through on threats, I don't know how many times I've heard people in work say "If you don't stop doing that you're going to get a smack" the kid does it and they don't get a smack - don't threaten if you aren't prepared to follow through.
Like deborah said, he'll get over it now and be an angel in his teens.
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