There have been so many times when i have almost broken down in tears and wondered where it is i am going so wrong in parenting. WHy is it my child that seems to have more issues than others, and he has a better life than so many kids.
Today i couldn't contain the tears anymore and i went to the room crying, i felt like my heart was breaking. I have tried everything from telling off, yelling, smacking, praying, talking, corner etc... and not one of them things has proven a break through.
People say it will get better, but all i can see is how. I've tried everything. I feel like screaming don't you see i am doing my best now and it's not working. When you are the person in the situation it is very hard to see the future clearly through the fog.
Today on the bed crying i wrote this:
Why do i fight to hold on, instead of letting go?
What am i gripping onto when i feel like i am falling?
I am losing grip and this strong wall is crumbling!
I can't hold back the tears no more.
I can't keep pretending that i am strong.
Especially when it feels like everything i do is wrong!
Today i reached a point where i said to God i dreamed of being a mum, i had hopes and plans. My dream come true, i do the best job i can do but still it's not enough. I just felt the love of God wash over me. Then i realised to do your best is to never stop trying..
Sometimes i feel like a failure.
sometimes i can't see the light through the storm.
But i know that God is there.
He knows my future.
He has a plan and he knows how things will work out!!
Keep praying for us
2 comments:
((((Hugz)))
You AREN'T a failure! You have had a rough time and you are still going, if you were a failure you would have given up the first time lachie got sick and you had to stay up all night and have no sleep yourself, you are a great mother and a great person! You've survived childbirth you can survive anything!
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