Struggles

Sometimes it is necessary to go through hard times.

Just as a butterfly has a hard time breaking out of the cocoon.

It it weren't for that struggle the wings wouldn't form properly and the butterfly would surely die.

Sometimes we look at struggles with the attitude i don't want to be here, why me and so forth. I know myself that i have said it many of times.

But i want to try and change that, the fact is i can look at the situation and complain. Or i can look at it and say Lord, have your way with me. Use me in this situation.

I pray that the next time you are in a rough patch, you remember this and the peace of God falls upon you.

Bless ya'll

Moving Forward

Today i went to church, worship was good.

But, you know how sometimes there is one person puts you off?

Well, we were sitting infront of that woman this morning.

This woman was singing the song and adding extra words, talking in tongues loudly, randomly calling out "whoohoooo" and other things. I was very distracted and found it hard to get into worship. I wasn't the only member of the church disturbed. Then when our Pastor was praying she was rude enough to be talking and saying she had to go home and put lunch on etc..

I don't have a problem with people talking in tongues, and hey i don't even care if they sing out of tune. If they are trying, worshipping and are happy then good on them. Really. It was just this one woman. Blah!

In my life i have felt God showing me that i am moving forward. None of the things i have done are really big. But they are deliberate choices to make changes in my life. Joining craft, talking to other parents at the school, giving someone my number if they need help, lettign someone know i will help if i can. Yes, little thing are important.

Little things are footprints in my life, footprints of me moving forward. No i'm not good at running forward and i'm not good at leaping forward. But i'm proud of myself for taking steps.

I can see my life growing, God is giving me dreams and i can feel his arms around me.

Friends, i am not perfect. I won't be on this earth. But i can keep trying my best while i'm on earth. Today i prayed to God that he would re-birth thirst for The word of God, and re-birth hunger for God. I have 2 goals i would like to set. I will share them with you.

1. I have been slack on my praying. I would like to pray for 30 minutes (at least) a day. Time to talk with God. (this is apart from the night time prayers).

2. I want to read the bible 3 times a week (at least).

You may say 30 minutes and 3 times a week. Thats not much. And to be honest with you no it isn't alot. But it is better than what i have been doing. God knows my heart and he knows this is an effort. I will build on to it more.

My Pastor said something that stayed with me today. "You will enter how you left". He went on to explain that God had spoken to him. The message was the way we leave a situation is the way we will enter the other.

So i have made a choice to set these goals. I will make a choice to do them. Each time i pray to God i will pray with the heart of a child, a child talking with her Father. I encourage you to do the same.

Your Best

There have been so many times when i have almost broken down in tears and wondered where it is i am going so wrong in parenting. WHy is it my child that seems to have more issues than others, and he has a better life than so many kids.

Today i couldn't contain the tears anymore and i went to the room crying, i felt like my heart was breaking. I have tried everything from telling off, yelling, smacking, praying, talking, corner etc... and not one of them things has proven a break through.

People say it will get better, but all i can see is how. I've tried everything. I feel like screaming don't you see i am doing my best now and it's not working. When you are the person in the situation it is very hard to see the future clearly through the fog.

Today on the bed crying i wrote this:

Why do i fight to hold on, instead of letting go?
What am i gripping onto when i feel like i am falling?
I am losing grip and this strong wall is crumbling!
I can't hold back the tears no more.
I can't keep pretending that i am strong.
Especially when it feels like everything i do is wrong!

Today i reached a point where i said to God i dreamed of being a mum, i had hopes and plans. My dream come true, i do the best job i can do but still it's not enough. I just felt the love of God wash over me. Then i realised to do your best is to never stop trying..

Sometimes i feel like a failure.
sometimes i can't see the light through the storm.
But i know that God is there.
He knows my future.
He has a plan and he knows how things will work out!!

Keep praying for us

Lami

Lami went in for surgery Thursday morning.
Leaving home was so hard, Daniel and Naomi were both crying and so was Lami.
I was trying so hard to fight it, never worked to well though!

I had to walk away from the house knowing that when we left Lami would be crying, and that i wouldn't see her again before the operation. It hurt very much.. As we walked to school i seen Daniel trying to hold himself together and Naomi just let it all out. She cried all the way to school, calling out for her Mama. My heart broke again.

I collected myself on the way to school and when i came home i checked Justsmile i seen a post from Lami:

Today I am having my surgery. I have to leave home in 30mins. This morning has been heart breaking. Naomi was crying in hysterics, Daniel was crying, I cried and so did Kelly. In the end I had to tell Kelly to just leave with the kids to school, it was to hard on all of us to prolonge it. Please pray that surgery and recovery will go smoothly. Pray for Kelly as she watches my kiddes and looks after the house. And for the peace of God to be upon my babies and Kelly. She has remained strong for me but I know she is worried and wants to cry. She needs to cry. Look after her ya'll

Well that just made me burst into tears. I knew i had held it all together for Lami, I done my best to remain strong. I didn't want her to see me worried, because then she'd see reason to be worried. I did go to bed some nights and cry though...

I rang up at 12pm to see if she was okay. and they said she had not long been out of surgery and was in recovery doing fine. Tears streamed down my face. But the real relief was seeing her in person yesterday.

A few times though i almost cried when i seen her move and she was in pain. I don't like seeing her in pain..

Words Can Wound

I have often advoided doing things because i am a shy person.
I get to scared of rejection and what wiil think of me, so i simply don't do anything.
Last week i went to a meeting for the leaders of our church craft group, and i have decided to put my name down in the creche area to help out.

I also went to the actual craft today. There were many things people could chose to do.
Lami choose painting, and even though the scared part of me wanted to follow her for security - I never. I felt God guiding me toward the beading, so i joined that group.

I made 2 pretty bracelets during the session.
I also got to talk to some great ladies, who were all nice!
So i managed to get away from my security and venture out on my own.

During the tea break i had a biscuit.
At that point a dark skinned lady approached me and began talking to me.
At first i thought she was nice and we were having a good conversation, that was until she proceeded to insult me. She told me that i have a demon in me causing my epilepsy and a demon causing my obesity. She also told me i should stand infront of the mirror every morning saying God never designed me this way, and i should be a size 12.

I was so shocked and offended by this point and felt like bursting into tears.
Because i was in an atmosphere with people i didn't know that well i must of put on a mask.
Because on the inside i was screaming help, but Lami said when Anne and her were looking at me i looked fine. They were even talking about how well me and this lady were getting along.

I believe that this woman was there as an attack from the enemy, because he is the only one to benefit from me not going back to this group. I am amazed i acted in such a way, and never slapped her - because she deserved one.

As Christians we need to set an example to others, that is with the way we act and speak. This lady was in no way an example of the love of Christ, and if i wasn't a Christian i wouldn't ever want to go back to that group. What she said really hurt me as a Christian, so the damage it could do to a non Christian is enormous.

I am okay now, but it took a little while.
I know she is wrong and the way she spoke was wrong.
I do however hope i never talk to her again and pray for others who do.

Words have power. The way we speak has power. Our attitude has power.
We can help lead people to Christ with words and we also can scar people with our words.
Make sure you are the example Christ wants you to be, and be careful with words.
They have the potiential to break hearts.

Spiritual Maturity

This Poem was NOT written by me. But i feel God pressing me to share it with you all.

Spiritual Maturity

First we are like babes suckling from our mother,s breast,
Then we read scripture, then follow under our Lord’s crest.
We are stubborn, and there are many things we do not do,
even after we have study hard, to learn what is true.

When a Spiritual person, lovingly provide us with a reproof,
the wise ones asks for chapter and verse, show me the proof.
Then we must humble ourselves, and learn to repent,
For these are God’s words, the message is heaven sent.

Once adult, spiritual maturity, is not the matter of age,
The slaves to sin, of all ages, skulks in their cage.
Follow our Lord’s commandments, and learn his way.
Spiritual Maturity will grow slowly, from day to day.

We sometimes take two steps forward, and one step back,
in these times, examine your heart, to see what it lacks.
During difficult times, and when there is nothing you can do,
humble yourselves, and allow the good Lord to carry you.

With our journey seemingly ending, our hearts become haughty,
We are sure we will never sin, or ever be caught being naughty.
Our vanity, and pride knocks us off our high pedestal,
to our proper position, where all the other sinners dwell.

In spiritual maturity you have now only reached a plateau,
Now you realize that we are all sinners, and it is time to grow.
Our sins are now are a lie, a selfish act, a harsh word in passion;
the breaking of mans and love's law, and the lack of compassion.

To think oneself perfect, is one of your hearts deepest deceptions,
Only Jesus our King has ever maintained perfection.

Author: QuietOne77

Child Care

Most of you know i have been trying to get Lachlan into child care for sometime, but waiting list were long and chances weren't looking good. Finally this week i got a call from the Child care centre saying that there was a position for Lachlan if i wanted to take it. I accepted, so Lachlan now has childcare one day a week. To start with i am only having him on half days, so both Lachlan and i can adjust to it.


Lachlan normally hates holding hands, but this morning as we walked to child care for orientation he put his hand out for me to hold. He must of known that Mama needed him. We finally got to child care and i signed him in, then having to do the hardest thing and leave. I said bye and he blew me kisses and played with his toy.

Leaving i felt a little sad, but at the same time happy that Lachlan was okay. If he made a scene about me leaving and cried, i would of found it so much harder- I would of cried. But he blew me kisses, and for me that was an "I'm okay mum". I left feeling proud of the way my little boy had acted on his big day.

His visit went fantastic. They said he was good right up until a few minutes before i arrived he got a little teary eyed. I could tell it was because he was tired, he was up about 45 minutes earlier than he normally does. He done very well for his visit.

I know this is the best place for him, it will be good to see him develop more skills, learn more words and make some little friends.

Crazy

My Template for this blog is CRAZY..
I have no idea what is going on with it..

HELP