Lioness With Her Cub

Paul has been sending text messages once again today.
He likes to try and make me feel intimidated and tries his best to scare me.
By now he should know his threats to harm me do not bother me.
I think he is a weakling and that his mouth talks more verbal diorreah than anyone i have ever meet.

As a mother i will do what it takes to protect my son from harm.
Whether the harm be physical or emotional.
I have been the one who nurtured Lachlan from birth.
I have been the provider, the one that has feed, clothed, nurtured, cleaned, loved and proted him. I am the one that wipes his nose, i am the one who looks after him when he is sick and i am the one who brushes him down if he falls over.

Paul never cared about anyone other than Paul.
Certainly never cared about Lachlan!
Legally i don't think i can stop Paul from seeing Lachlan.
But i will fight my hardest to stop him seeing him.

Please keep praying for us and the situation.
I just wish Paul would go away.
It really is in the best interest of Lachlan right now not to have him in his life.

Happy Anniversery

Mum and Dad celebrated their 27th wedding anniversery on the 28th April this year.
It is cute to see them together.
I think they are more in love now than they were all those years ago.
This picture was taken when Mum, Dad, Terry &Lachlan and I went for a Barbeque in the park.
Mum and dad even walked across the park hand in hand..
Do they get more romantic as they get older... scary! Lol..

Little Boy

I guess since i have had Lachlan i've always looked at him as my baby, and he always will be. But now that he is getting older he is also my little boy. Last night i couldn't help but hold the tears back as i thought about Lachlan.

I have wanted to be a mum all my life, i used to pray all the time that i would fall pregnant and when i did it was a miracle. I was so happy. My dreams of being a mum escalated to a new level. I never thought i would be easy and never thought it would be a ride in the park, but i thought it would be easier than this.

My son has real issues and he is only 19 months old. He bangs his head on things, hit's himself, pokes at his eyes. He barely talks and because he isn't talking he gets even more fustrated. It's not because he is stupid though, he knows words but doesn't use them anymore. And it looks like he is chosing not to learn anymore words aswell!!

It is breaking my heart because i don't know what else to do for him, i don't know how to help him any more. So much of me feels like i have failed him, even though i know it's not true. But you know how it just feels that way sometimes?

I love Lachlan with everything inside of me and so much more, but i don't understand what i am doing so wrong.

What gets me even more is that a drug addict can have a child and that child will grow up reasonably fine. Not all but some do. I love nuture, encourage, play and everything but still there is something stopping my son from being who he is meant to be. He just seems so angry and fustrated.

I admit he has happy moments too but i want more. I need more. I don't want my son to grow up as a sad or angry child. Yesterday in church i stopped him going to people's seat and stealing their notices and he was sitting on my lap having a tanty. and he actually smacked my face (very stupid move mind you). He was so lucky we were in church or he would of been in bed with a sore butt!! That alone hurt so much though.


I must admit he is a beautiful boy physically and mentally. but he has some issues that i don't know how to help him... any idea's folks?

I rang up the ABC Childcare centre here today and booked him into the new one that is being built around the corner. They are sending me out enrolment information and said i should expect a call at the end of may because that is when they are expected to open.

I am scared. I have never had Lachlan in child care and if i had a choice i would have him with me because i love him so much and don't want to let him go. However i know that childcare is what is best for Lachlan. It will give him a chance to interact with other children and hopefully he learns somethings there.

I don't know how i am gonna let him go on the day he has to go to childcare though because the thought brings tears to my eyes already!!

Thanks for those of you who made it this far through my rant.
I love ya'll!!

Pictures

This is a picture of me and my 9 month old niece Charlotte. She is so beautiful, and yet another baby with a temper too :-/

If ya wondering what is up with my face i was sick last week so my eyes look puffy...

It was good to be home and spend some time with my family. I was so excited when i got to see my nieces, i have waited a long time...

When the car pulled up i had tears in my eyes as i seen emi looking out the window, then a smile spread across her face.... This is a photo of little Miss Emily. I adore her also.. She has freckles on her nose now and they are just soo cute!!! seriously!!

Tagged

I got tagged by Megan, so I had to put in my 5th sentence from my 28th blog... Here it is..
(I remember doing this a while ago and now here in public i have to put the same sentence down that looks really bad for me) LOL!!

No i'm not obsessed about sex, a relationship, naked men or anything like that.


~Wanna play?~
(Be warned first)

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find your 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.

and now I have to tag 5 people....

1. Misti
2. Vianey
3. You
4. Yourself
5. Your imaginary friend

Over The Years

Over the years I have been through the best and the worst of times.
But only in the last 2 years masks have fallen away from my face.
I've seen the mask from others fall away, and sometimes the skeletons, hidden behind.
Friendships have been charred due to my change of life and circumstances, and amid the ashes, I've found pearls...

I've learnt:

- Recognising that your a Princess of The King is the most amazing thing.
- True friends exist.
- True love does exist.
- We all need to look in God's mirror sometimes.
- We cannot make it through life on our own strength (but with Christ).
- Bad things happen but we can make it through.
- We should always be conforming to be more Christ like.
- Prayer is required to have a relationship with Christ.
- We must forgive ourselves before we allow ourselves to recieve forgiveness from Christ.
- Parenting is the toughest job in life, but the most rewarding

and many more...


Share some of the things you have learnt...

Update

Hello Gumnuts!!

How are you all??

I'm just dropping in quickly to give you that update i was talking about.
I went to see the lawyer and it was pretty ordinary i guess... even though i don't see lawyer very often (this was like a first). Just signed court papers and talked about some things.. she is really nice! Now i have to wait for her to get a court date (which i don't gotta attend, OH YEAH).

My dad had his assessment on friday also. They never really said much which had me somewhat confused :-S which isn't hard to do at the best of times (hey who wrote that???)
They changed some of his medications and took him off some anti psycothics. I was confused about that to seems he was getting more aggressive and stuff.

Hi

Hi everyone.

How are you all? It's so glad to back in communication with my friends. I have missed you all. You have all been in my thought, prayers, and discussions with myself at some point.. except of course if you are just a random someone reading my blog.. but i can pray for you to if you like.

This is my little boy Lachlan. Now hasn't my son grown into a handsome looking young man? yeah you have to admit it.. Although he has this temper, i have no idea where he got that from.. but hopefully we manage to get that out of his real quick.

My Dad is getting re assesed on friday. He has frontal lobe dementia and has shown agressive and manic behaviour, which is a new symptom for my dad. They need to find out how far he has deteriorated since he was placed in the nursing home. Christmas eve Dad ran away from home i guess you would call it, to him he was going for a walk but he can't comphrehend why he isn't allowed to do that at 2 am. He was back home safe and well before we called the police, that was the first sign that Dad was getting worse.

On friday i see my lawyer about DNA testing for my son, his biological father has decided to take things the long and hard way and not co-operate. So now i have to take him to court to get them to order the test be done. I know that in the first place i shouldn't of lied, but i am now enduring the consequences of it. I just pray that it all finishes soon.

On tuesday i am taking Lami to lunch. Just Lami, Lachlan and myself because the other 2 children will be at school. It will give Lami and i some time to relax and enjoy a nice meal together that neither of us have to prepare =)

Congrats to Katie for getting into Mercy. Love ya honey. Do what ya need to do and remember do it for you.

I'll speak to you all soon