We Are Family

It was almost 3 years ago that i decided to live for Christ, to change my life around and follow the plan the Lord has for me.
That involved big changes to life style and a willing attitude to change.

A year ago i wrote a poem about my husband in the post FUTURE.
I was open for change and ready to be prepared for my husband.
I am very happy to share with you that on saturday the 19th August 2006, God revealed to me who my future husband would be.
Not only did he reveal to me but confirmed it within the spirit of my best friend.

After praying last night God told I was to tell Allan sooner, rather than later.
I clearly felt that it had to be in the next 2 days.
This made me really nervous as I didn't know how I was going to approach this.
How to reveal to a person how I felt about them and what God had said.
But I knew it was something I had to do.
God made it clear that because I had told Allan a while ago that we were only to be friends, that Allan would not approach me as he respected me to much.
Once again God spoke to a friend of mine and revealed that I had to tell Allan today, to set his mind at ease.

After my nerves had calmed down i rang Allan and told him of the revelation God had placed on my heart.
He has had revelation from God that i would be his future wife!
As of this afternoon we are offically courting....

I am so happy.
I know that this time i have fallen in love with the right man, i have fallen in love with the man God has for me.
This is a feeling of love that i have never felt before for another male, a reserved love in my heart for my future husband..

With the newness of this love comes many new emotions, excitement, happiness and apprehension.

I never knew this would happen so fast, but i am happy.
I am excited about little things such as holding hands and conversations.
Thank you to God who has brought us together.
I knew it would happen in Gods Timing...

It's so exciting to think it in my turn now...

Transformed

Over the last 12 months i have felt myself be transformed.
Transformed from a girl who was scared to discover who she was, a girl with inner wounds & scars constantly challenging herself to fit in with the others.
To a beautiful young lady, embracing womanhood, parenthood, my relationship with God and all of the challenges that life brings..

I have always had an issue with saying "No" especially when it came to males.
Since living for Chrsit i have only been confronted by the issue of men wanting more than what i can give them twice. The first time was about 9 months ago, a male kissed me and i felt to weak to say no, so i let it happen. Things went to far, and i personally lost and suffered alot because of it - others were hurt.

Yes i was attracted to the body of the male i mention above, he wasn't unpleasent to the eye.
Now when i see him, i only see a confused young man.
I only ever thought this man was physically attractive and never did i think anything would happen - nor did i prepare myself.

I was living for Jesus Christ, but i am a sinner.
I never realised at the time, but i had a desire that hadn't been fulfilled.
That desire could only ever be filled with the love of Jesus Christ.

That day was a real wake up call to me, i spend many of days in tears literally.
I can't begin to descibe the unworthiness i felt as i presented myself to God and recieved prayer.
Once again i was "white as snow", my sin wiped clean.
But just because my sin was wiped clean, it hasn't given me amnesia as to what happened - it was a life changing moment.

It was only last week i was faced with a similar situation.
Lami and i took the kids into the city to meet a friend of mine, i had been talking to my friend for 5 months online and we agreed to meet at Word bookshop.
I was very cautious with the way i presented myself, as he was a male and i didn't want to give the wrong impression.

We shopped, had lunch and shopped.
Before leaving me at Toys R us he asked permission to give me a hug goodbye, permission was granted. I gave him the half Christian hug, but as he moved away he went to kiss me.
I quickly placed my hand on his chest making space between us and said No, he apologised and i felt respected.

I never stopped and hesitated about saying no, because i knew for that kiss to take place would be wrong. I might add my friend isn't sleezy guy and he is nigerian.
This experience has left me happy, i feel like finally i have been able to stand up for what is right, and what i felt in my heart. God has transformed me and revealed many things to me over the last 12 months.

I never thought i would be faced with the situation of a young man wanting to further a relationship so soon, and being faced with the situation has only made me press into God even harder. I am glad i was respected, it makes me respect him as a friend also. I have made it clear that God will reveal who my future husband is, and when he does that i will embrace it- but only when God does. Until then it is praying and waiting.